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You weren’t responding to anything. I convinced myself you were spending your precious energy on those wonderful children, who matter more than me. I can only hope that is true, that your last days were spent surrounded by your children and family. I still think you were strong enough to beat the cancer. Losing the baby and the final expiration of your marriage were heavy enough hits. Topped with the ugly cherry of such an aggressive cancer, you were up against too much. Losing much needed love and support in the face of such a daunting trial would do anyone in. Part of me feels a deep overwhelming pain, loss. There is an ache inside that only time will cure. It’s been fueled over the last forty hours by the knowledge that we will never speak again. That all of our dreams are now doomed to remain unfulfilled. I’ve cried knowing that I will never kiss you or touch your skin. I can never hold you in my arms or play with your hair. You can’t take me dancing or teach me guitar. I’ll. In the bedroom we decided for a whole new wall of cupboards, which Mary would order on Monday, to be installed sometime during the week. We also decided which rooms would serve which purposes. We would have a large bedroom, Mary and I would have each our 'home-office', and a fairly large room would be for the kids to keep their stuff and to sleep in, when they were at home, then an almost huge living room plus a dining room. I wanted a glass double-door between the living room and the dining room, but Mary said we should wait until we had tried out how it would work as it was now. We could always have a carpenter install one, if we needed it.Back home we found out how our ideas matched. As soon as I had measured all the furniture, while Mary drew a plan of the apartment, we sat down to find out where to place the furniture. There was not a single piece on which we disagreed!In the late afternoon I wanted to take a little nap so I went upstairs. I did not get much peace, though. Dad.
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